Saturday, December 18, 2010

Saturday Night Rad Jam

Apologies are in order for withholding your standard Friday afternoon dose of Radness. The holidays are a hectic time in between Christmas shopping, shoveling snow, and staying drunk enough to tolerate your relatives. Sometimes your inconsiderate mother simply doesn't understand you can't clear the driveway right now because you have an obligation to give the masses their weekly Rad entertainment. Especially when you have been listening to nothing but shitty Christmas jams on your FM dial all week. So I guess I had to really do my part and give you an excess of awesomeness with my choice for this week's Rad jam entry, which I've tried my best to do. Without further ado, I give you a special Saturday Night Rad Jam courtesy of LYNYRD SKYNYRD.

Lynyrd Skynyrd personifies everything that is totally rad about America. Freedom, being ignorant, excess, a 24 hour party. Think of anything awesome associated with the 50 nifty United States (especially those located below the Mason Dixon line) and Skynyrd's got it covered. Lets start by placing emphasis on the excess factor. Most bands throughout history were content to have one guitarist in the group. Or maybe two guitarists with one designated the lead guitarist and one in charge of rhythm guitar duties. Yeah Lynyrd Skynyrd has four to five lead guitarists and approximately 27 guys on stage at any given time. This is fucking America chief where everything is super sized, and our rock and roll groups are no exception. I mean clearly you've got to maximize your potential for as many Rad guitar solos as possible. You might even need to layer 12 seperate solos into one massive super epic 7 minute Rad solo to close out a song, although that is a Rad jam for another day.

Lynyrd Skynyrd is known for being the band that created their own Rad genre of music: Southern Rock. Some might say that the Allman Brothers Band started Southern Rock, but they were basically a blues rock jam band that happened to be from Georgia. Lynyrd Skynyrd made rocking out in the name of Dixie a brand. Good ol' fashioned jukebox rock and roll about drinking whiskey, shooting guns, and getting into bar brawls over chicks. Lynyrd Skynyrd were the proudest rednecks you've ever met and didn't give two shits what your opinion was of their Confederate flag waving ways.

Lynyrd Skynyrd was fronted of course by legendary Rad redneck dude Ronnie Van Zandt. Ronnie is most well known for his feud with Neil Young over whether or not Southerners were ignorant assholes which of course birthed "Sweet Home Alabama" the most overplayed classic rock song in history along with Hotel California. "Sweet Home Alabama" isn't a bad song but too often it's the only Skynyrd song people know, which sucks because Ronnie wrote a billion Rad jams that are way better than it (like this week's jam). Of course since the music gods are total assholes, Ronnie perished in a plane crash at the height of the band's popularity, and the guys have never been the same. There are people that still go to see "Lynyrd Skynyrd" in concert today, but I'm not one of them. Skynyrd is not Skynyrd without RVZ behind the mic. I refuse to go support an imitation Skynyrd outfit fronted by some guy from 38 special that jams with that asshole Kid Rock. Modern Skynyrd totally tarnishes the Rad legacy that the true Skynyrd forged back in the day.

Anyways, just because Lynyrd Skynyrd were a bunch of Rad redneck dudes, didn't mean their music didn't occasionally have a message. Not some agenda like fucktard Bono would have about donating money to Africa or being eco-friendly. No, Skynyrd preached lessons that could actually be applied in the everyday lives of Rad Skynyrd fans. Like the one in this week's rad Jam: Saturday Night Special. This song is about the dangers of being an irresponsible owner of a firearm, namely getting too drunk on cheap bourbon and pointing your six shooter at someone or shooting yourself. Enjoy your Saturday night folks, and keep this song's message in the back of your head. If you're gonna booze tonight keep your firearm at home, cus that shit ain't good for nothin' cept' put a man six feet in a hole.

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