Monday, September 6, 2010

Sunday Bloody Funday

I've been a little lax with the posts over the last week, but hey even when your job description is "Professional Rant Writer" you need a vacation once in a while. So I left town. Went to the beach. Did some man tanning and jet-skiing. Ate buckets of seafood with my bare hands. All in all a succesful Labor Day weekend spent with other friends living the dream, celebrating the merits of those who are actually employed. One thing that occurred to me was that this was the first time in forever that I was able to engage in one of my favorite pastimes, namely: getting drunk on a Sunday. Getting drunk on a Sunday was a regular weekly activity back when I lived on the East coast, but now my Sunday Fundays are few and far between. I'm hoping football season changes that because while I am getting old, I am still not too old to appreciate getting hammered on the day of rest.

Getting drunk on Sunday fucking rules. It is by far my favorite day of the week to get intoxicated on, and I feel that everyone should be on the same page with me on this. People however, seem to disagree with me when it comes to Sunday hammer time. They all have the same excuse. "Well we can't drink on Sunday because we have work the next day." OR "I have class in the morning." Yeah fuck that. These are bullshit excuses. Yeah you have to do something TOMORROW. Big fucking deal. So since you have responsibilities to attend to 24 hours from now you are just gonna cut your weekend in half. Let me see your reasoning: "Well since I have to go to work on Monday morning I guess I will just spend Sunday sitting around my house watching the final round of the PGA Western Ohio invitational with a mineral water and my thumb up my ass." Yeah totally makes sense. Loser.

You see Monday responsibilities are what make Sunday drinking so grand. On Saturday night you go out with your buddies and drink till last call, and then continue partying at one of your bros houses till the wee hours so long as there is still a 24 hour delivery joint available. You do this because you have no responsibility the next morning so you can afford to be tired and hungover. You can't do this on Sunday night though because you will have to wake up at the ass crack of dawn the next day to stumble to class or your dead end entry level position. This is by no means however, an obstacle to drinking on Sunday. You just have to start drinking EARLY. (Don't give me that "I'm too hungover Sunday morning B.S. either, because more booze is the only cure to a hangover). Start drinking at breakfast, blackout by the afternoon and then pass out early in the evening halfway through the Sunday night football game. Boom. Great day of fun, followed by a good long nights sleep, and you are up, fresh, and ready to face whatever bullshit comes your way Monday morning. Drinking at 10 am on a Tuesday might lead one to label you something nasty like say.."an alcoholic." Drink at 10 am on a Sunday however, and you my friend are now just being "a responsible adult."

People generally are not necessarily opposed to "drinking" on Sunday. They just happen to be opposed to actually partying on a Sunday, or as I like to call it "Getting Awesome." If you throw out the idea of Sunday drinking to people they respond with their favorite brunch spot that has $3 bloody marys. Or they will make plans to purchase one bottle of Andre this Sunday, so we can all sip on mimosas with our pancakes. Yeah fuck that. When I'm talking fucking Sunday Funday I don't mean lets grab a bloody mary with our eggs. That is amateur hour. Go hard or go home.

Pictured above is Murphy's Irish Pub or as I like to think of it "The Greatest Establishment on Earth." Back when I lived by this finest of watering holes, going to Murphy's drunk brunch on Sundays became a weekly tradition. That's because Murphy's drunk brunch was not in the business of fucking around. It starts at 10. It ends at 3. You get badass fat kid meat and potatos breakfast meals for under $10. You can smoke cigarettes at your table. You get full glass champagne refills for a quarter. (Unless of course you are a regular in which case the champagne is on the house assuming you tip well and compliment your waitress on how un-pregnant she looks). Before you know it you are pounding Irish car bombs at noon with the bartender. There is nothing about Murphy's that was not to love.

Clearly unlimited refills of bubbly leads you to be super hammered by no later than 1pm. Which is PERFECT. During football season you stumble out of Murphy's and over to the local sports bar with your 12 champagne glass buzz just in time to scream obscenities at 4 different tvs. During the summer you can then have a nice buzz in place before heading out to go tubing or hit up a bbq. Getting drunk in the morning leads to great flexibility in the planning of your Sunday Funday itinerary as six wasted people are never gonna come up with only ONE awesome suggestion for where to relocate their drunk asses.

Another awesome thing about drinking on Sunday morning is you gain the ability to forget that there are people less awesome than you in the world that are not trashed at lunchtime. These people will judge you. Or say you're too loud. Or tell you there are children around. Yeah whatever. Sorry for partying. This is Sunday Funday what do you care what these assholes think? There is something special about being a trainwreck around people who deem your awesome behavior to go against what they consider "the norm." If your drunk ass gets cut off at a strip club on a Saturday night, you are just par for the course, but get thrown out of a bar on Mother's day for ruining family brunch and you have chalked up a whole nother level of life victory.

Anyways the NFL season kicks off in a couple of days and "There's football on tv" is life's most valid excuse for day drinking. So hopefully this will lead to the return of Sunday Funday to my life. Because I miss Murphy's...and I miss being judged by that sweet church family that doesn't approve of my loud obscene toasts at 11am. You're gonna have that "case of the Mondays" so you might as well not waste your opportunity to time travel to that miserable morning via an awesome Sunday Funday.


  1. Dude, we def need to make another pilgrimage. Allison's baby at Murphy's by this point. I mean, that brilliant hostess chick with the "random" bloody nose wasn't much older.

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