Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Bands that don't suck: Taddy Porter

I spend a lot of my time on this blog bitching about the shitty bands that make up 98% of the current music industry. Every once in a while though, I stumble upon a band that actually brings a glimmer of hope to the world of Rock and Roll. A band that actually seems like they are out to kick the world's ass and take names without giving a fuck how they achieve this goal. You know...a band in the model of the Led Zeppelins, Aerosmiths, Guns N Roses and Van Halens of the world. Bands like Zep, GNR and VH didn't fall into classifications like "alternative," "electronic," or even standard genres like "blues." No, they just played what could only be classified as "Kickass motherfucking Jukebox Rock N' Roll." Shit that just provided a soundtrack to a good time. I hope this next band can stick to its formula and someday join the aforementioned pantheon of kickass rock bands. I give you this weeks Band that DOESN'T suck balls: Taddy Porter.

Taddy Porter fucking rocks. Their music follows the simple formula that leads to badass rock and roll. Les Paul axes? CHECK. Marshall Amps stacked to the sky? CHECK. Singer that can wail? CHECK. Lyrics regarding chicks, partying, and general awesomeness. CHECK. Done. Badass rock and roll band formula complete. Taddy Porter also had the novel idea that maybe they should include guitar solos in all their songs unlike most modern bands. Guitar solos are awesome, and yet nobody plays them anymore. I'm not even here to talk about skill, guitar solos are just awesome because they are the musical equivalent of a pissing contest. Even if you're a shitty guitarist at least you're making the effort to throw your balls on the table if you play a guitar solo and kick your leg out and eye fuck the crowd with your facial expressions.

The other thing about Taddy Porter is their look. Namely the fact that they don't have one. They are a couple of ugly, grungy looking guys from Stillwater, Oklahoma. There is nothing pretty about them. And that's what makes them awesome, they play kick-ass music that speaks for itself and don't need an image. Other bands myspace pages will tell you that their band plays "an eclectic sound that fuses elements of alternative rock, folk, and electronica into a unique fusion sound." This is code for saying they are not good at playing any particular genre of music, and decided to list their sound as "fusion" because "fucking terrible" is not a genre. Taddy Porter's Bio says "This is Taddy Porter, bred out of Stillwater, holding you at gunpoint and commanding you to shake your ass." AWESOME. Straight to the point. What more do you need to know? Chug a beer, turn the volume up to 11 on our record and fucking get out there and shake your ass. End of story.

Of course since Taddy Porter actually plays kick-ass music, this obviously means that they are currently not mainstream. I mean what sense would that make? Who wants to purchase an album of kick-ass party tunes when we can hear some whiney douchebag in a fedora and scarf sing about his feelings over a piano? If they want to make it to the big time they will inevitably be forced at some point to consider changing their look and sound to be more "marketable." You see a couple of years ago a badasss Southern rock band came out that gave me hope for music. They were a crew of ugly, grungy Tennesee boys. They played loud dirty Rock and Roll. They partied hard. These guys kicked ass. Then of course they released albums that didn't sell for shit. So record execs made them get makeovers. Now they all have cute short hipster haircuts and wear skinny jeans with boots and cute vest/scarf ensembles. And they decided to write power ballads about how they could UUUUUSSSSSE SOOOOMEBOOOOODY like you. BOOM. Platinum Success. Biggest band in the world. Congrats Kings of Leon.

I hope Taddy Porter can make it to the big time on the merit of their kick-ass music. If they can't I hope they stick to their guns and stay true to their rock and roll formula despite the urgings of their agents/execs/potential fans. I mean everyone wants to make it to the true "big-time" where they can sell out shows, bang prettier chicks, do better drugs, and make more money. It would still however, be nice to dream that a kick ass band with potential would show some integrity. We'll see. Just keep this in mind guys. Even if you do see the dollar signs, get makeovers, change your sound, and make it big...inevitably...pigeons will end up shitting on your head. http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/17386/184928

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