Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Rolling Stone With No Direction Home

I have a subscription to Rolling Stone Magazine because after all I have to get my music news from somewhere. MTV and VH1 are no longer music networks and I'd rather not feel like a hipster and go to some shitbag indie music site like PitchFork for my rock and roll news. So I read Rolling Stone. I just got this week's issue and logically the cover features prominent rock and roll musician Barack Obama. I seriously can't remember the last time this supposed rock and roll magazine actually featured a rock artist on the cover. As of late Rolling Stone is no longer a rock magazine so much as a media outlet that alternates between spreading a left wing agenda and informing the masses of the hottest trends in bubblegum pop culture. In other words Rolling Stone fucking sucks.

When I was growing up Rolling Stone was actually a hip rock magazine. You saw that up and coming band on the cover of Rolling Stone and thought to yourself "whoa..these guys have officially made it." Rolling Stone would send writers on tour with the hottest band in the world and give you a behind the scenes look at your favorite rock gods misbehaving daily while rocking different cities across the nation. Remember the film "Almost Famous?" Yeah that is actually how Rolling Stone used to come up with their stories. Find a band gaining a lot of buzz. Send somebody out on the road with them. Get inside their heads and find out what makes them tick. Hopefully after ingesting a few too many substances the band's members get a little too honest when discussing their debauchery. Maybe they get drunk and start talking shit about other bands. Basically all the stuff that Rock and Roll is all about.

Nowadays Rolling Stone alternates between three set formats for their cover stories.

(A) Pick a famous pop musician to put on the cover wearing the fewest clothes possible

(B) Pick a famous actor or cast of a hot tv show to put on the cover

(C) Pick a political topic to focus on or just generally rant about how much Republicans suck.

Ok wtf Rolling Stone? None of these topics have ANYTHING to do with fucking rock music. Your magazine's name indicates a link to Bob Dylan, Keith Richards and Muddy Waters. These guys were legendary rock artists. Therefore you are implying that your magazine's area of focus is kickass rock and roll music. I don't want to know how Katy Perry became America's newest sex symbol. I don't give a shit how "GLEE" became the nation's hottest tv phenomenon. I have no interest in reading about why the GOP is destroying congress. If I did I would read MTV.com... or People Magazine...or fucking Huffington Post.

I realize that it's hard to feature cover stories on cool rock bands when...95% of mainstream rock music sucks dick. I'm not particularly interested in reading about Daughtry's wild antics on the road and I would hope none of your other readers are either. You however are a major reason why mainstream music sucks so much. Cool music becomes mainstream through exposure to the masses. And I know you still know what qualifies as good music because I read your reviews section which is your publication's only saving grace. I know you gave Wolfmother's last album a four star rating. I know you liked The Black Keys live set. This information however, is buried in small paragraphs on the back pages of your magazine, buried beneath your layers of bubblegum pop stories and political pandering. Would it really kill you to actually put a rock band you've classified as cool on your cover, and give them some exposure? Maybe give people a chance to discover good music again? Nobody needs to rediscover The Black Eyed Peas for the third time.

Rolling Stone's writers have remained pretty deep and insightful through the years, even when writing bullshit articles. So I assume that Rolling Stone employs quality writers because their target audience is people with half a brain that know good writing when they see it and know good music when they hear it. NOT people who listen to the fucking Jonas Brothers or watch Twilight. So how bout' you give your intended audience something worthwhile to read about for a change? If I get another issue with half naked vampire heartthrobs on the cover I'm cancelling my subscription.


  1. You should send this, in letter & email format, to Rolling Stone. Also, include a web address/link to your blog. They might give you some exposure on the back pages of their shitty, liberal excrement spewing, magazine.