Repping the Burbz

YouTube is the greatest website ever. Seriously where else do you have one touch access to that awesome 1985 live rendition of "Texas Flood" AND..those highlight clips of The Bills epic 32 point comeback against the Oilers AND...that awesome clip of the chimpanzee skull-fucking a frog? Nowhere. I can't even imagine what it was like living in a world before YouTube existed. How did people ever get through their boring day at the office, without the ability to look at random YouTube clips? Well as is the case with everything else in life, stupid people ruined all the fun. People started recording themself doing anything that could possibly lead them to getting enough hits on their clip to be proclaimed a web phenomenon. The worst example of this is white suburban people...rapping.

Seriously there is no limit to "funny" YouTube clips of white people rapping about everyday activities. White people of course love mocking the hip-hop ideals of "repping your hood" and throwing up gang signs, so why not make HILAAAARIOUS rap videos about normal suburban life? It's like we're "Gangsta"...when we're so NOT "Gangsta!" Oh the Irony!! Of course some 20 something middle class white guy can't make a legit rap career out of everyday suburban observations. So he turns to youtube to make his hysterical ironic rap clip that ONLY people from his area code/demographic/entry level career background can relate to. Seriously it blows my mind how simply referencing normal everyday activities people can relate to in rhyme form, makes you a comic genius.

(*Disclaimer: When I say "white people" I just mean yuppie suburbanites, so I'm talking to you too Phillip Chang from Sugarland).

Generally these shitbag un-funny YouTube songs are area-specific. The subjects of these songs are usually not issues that are necessarily unique to that specific area. This however, doesn't stop people from thinking that only people from their area could grasp the hilarity of the subject matter referenced in the YouTube clip. For example today a bunch of people posted a YouTube clip on Facebook where a guy raps about riding the "Metro" (For you non-DC residents Metro = subway transit system).

"OMG if you lived in DC you will LOOOOVE THIS!! SO GOOD!!"

The clip follows a guy riding the subway, rapping about..reading "The Express" (free DC paper). Rapping about tourists holding up the escalator. Rapping about missing the train and having to wait 11 minutes for the next one. OMG that is SO FUCKING FUNNY!! I lived in DC once and also dealt with the frustration of running into a crowd of tourists and missing a train!! I'm sure there is nobody anywhere else in the country that can relate to the pitfalls of public transportation except for us DC residents!! "The Express" is a free newspaper that only DC residents can relate to, I mean I'm sure no other metropolis has free press! The clip continues to reference a multitude of other Uniquely DC experiences such as having the fare card machine not take your wrinkled up dollar bill, and sitting next to a person with body odor. Fucking hysterical.

The worst are the people who take a real rap song, and edit the lyrics/hook to relate it to their mundane suburban existence. The most common example is the Jay-Z/Alicia Keys "NY State of Mind" collaboration. You know the one that goes "in NEEEEEEEEW YOOOORK." I've already heard the actual fucking song 300,000 times more than I ever needed to. Why do people need to keep bringing this fucking song back with their clever middle-class remake? Well obviously New York has two syllables much like the name of every fucking suburb in America. So it's easy to convert the hook to "In Faaaaaairfax" and then insert some clever rap verses about standing in line at Starbucks, or being stuck in traffic on our area-specific interstate highway. Some particulary insufferable group of douchebags decided to change the song to "Law School State of Mind" and rap hilarious lyrics about being stuck in the library. Stick a highligher up your asses you fucking tools.

There is of course no end to the amount of subjects available to be covered in suburban rap YouTube clips. So I'm sure there will be 800 more humorous clips released that reference unique area-specific topics like wearing rainbow flip-flops and losing reception on your Iphone on the train. I hope tomorrow the "Metro Rap Guy" has a truly "unique" experience when his train gets de-railed and flys into the Potomac*.

*(The Potomac is the river that forms the border of Washington D.C. and Maryland. ONLY DC RESIDENTS GOT THAT HILARIOUS REFERENCE!!!)