Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Hater Mailbag Volume 2


When we left the anonymous haters of The Lawn they were mocking me for judging bands by their album cover, asking me if I thought anybody actually read this crap, and keeping their critiques of my blog polite with broad statements like "You basically have the worst opinions ever." Even though I named that post "Hater Mailbag Volume 1," and supporters of my warped views requested that I do it again, I have to say I really didn't think there would be a second edition of the Hater Mailbag. I mean how many more haters could possibly come out of the woodwork to voice their negative feedback through anonymous angry commentary? After all my taste in music is impeccable, and I basically have the most logical opinions ever so how many more people could possibly disagree with my brilliant writing? Alas not only did more haters join the parade, they came out in droves. So here I am once again addressing the citizens of hater nation. Without further ado..LETS GET TO THE HATE!


"Atheist Extraordinaire" re: Wilco

"Completely No-Sense Post, really Sucks."


You hate God. I hate Wilco. Two things that aren't gonna change anytime soon. I don't know if you've noticed this but I make fun of all bands in the same manner. They look stupid. Their Music is boring. Their singer is lame. They have no musical talent. End of Rant. Not exactly the most elaborately complicated formula. If I use this method to mock a popular mainstream band or new band nobody's heard of, there are no complaints. If I mock the hip, mainstream but not quite mainstream band everyone respects (for reasons they don't even remember) the feedback is always "this makes no sense" with no further argument. Also, this is not an English sentence. Next time please tell me why my opinion of a shitty band makes no sense writing a sentence that sounds like it was typed by Chief Big Bear from a John Wayne movie. (No-Sense, really Sucks, Make Fire, Bad).


"Ernesto" re: The Strokes

"BY THE TITLES OF YOUR LABELS YOUR A SAD, LONELY, PISSED MOTHERFUCKER. YOU INSOLENT PIG!!!!!"




MAYBE IF I TYPE IN ALL CAPS AND USE EXCLAMATION POINTS I CAN REALLY HAMMER HOME MY OPINION AND EMPHASIZE JUST HOW MUCH I DISAGREE WITH YOUR STUPID FUCKING OPINION. Oh btw did you see what I just did..? I used the word "your" properly. A skill that you and apparently 90% of the people on the internet don't possess. I think standardized testing of basic 5th grade grammar should be a mandatory requirement of anybody that chooses to express their opinions over the web. Also I'm sorry your parents named you "Ernesto." They apparently assumed you would either grow up to be the tyrannical dictator of a South American country or a plumber with a rape van.


"Andreas Carlbom" re: Pink Floyd

"Hello. I read and liked this blog until you decided to hate on Pink Floyd, likely because you have attention deficit disorder and can't handle anything with more than two chords with a solo sandviched between them. You are free to have your opinions, but please do the world a favor and keep them to yourself. They are of absolutely no value to anybody else. Kisses.




Um..ok. That was quite the drastic change of heart. "I really liked your blog but then you made fun of ONE band I like and now I want you to do the world a favor and shut the fuck up." Jesus. I don't think a bipolar nutjob should be making fun of my A.D.D. symptoms. Also thanks for saying I'm "free to have my opinions" but then telling me I should keep them to myself Stalin. That's certainly what the first amendment is all about. Also who the fuck ends a comment with "kisses" besides my mother? Also I don't know what your definition of music "with more than two chords is," but considering I hate The Strokes I think it's safe to say I like music that isn't "minimalist" garbage. Look people I get that everybody who's ever done mushrooms disagrees with my Pink Floyd post. Feel free to have your opinion, but keep them to yourself and your lava lamp.


"giveemhellkid240" re: My Chemical Romance

"You spend the entire time whining about what they title their music, not about the actual music they make. You can't seem to critique this band with respect or intellect. You never show an ounce of maturity or experience in music, and your article was a complete bore. You fail."


Funny enough "Give Em Hell Kid 240" actually sounds like the name of a shitty hipster punk band that would open for My Chemical Romance on The Warped Tour. Coincidence? This douchebags idea of "giving em hell" is probably wearing a Sex Pistols t-shirt to family Thanksgiving. Also I show a complete lack of "maturity," "respect" and "intellect"..? Um...have you ever read ANYTHING else on this blog? If so you would never associate these words with this site. I'm currently writing angry hater comments in response to anonymous internet critics for fun. Real "mature." I call girls who take group pictures on vacation and post them on facebook "whores." Very "respectful." Every other sentence involves me using the adjective "Rad." Quite the sign of "intellect." Finally, MCR's "actual music" is so horrible it is really beyond elaborate description. They're a goth punk band that makes rock operas. Their singer screams a lot. They suck. What else really needs to be said?


"Matt" re: Phish

I'm curious to what bands Bagzzz listens to? Probably some shitty metal band or Tool. haha...


For the record, since I kinda retired the "Rad Jam" feature, I listen to anything that falls under the genres "Classic ROCK, Party/Jukebox ROCK, Southern ROCK, Blues ROCK" or the general musical classification: Rad. Hippie rock does not fall under any of these categories so sorry I don't like Phish. Also considering you went all the way back through all of my BTSB entries to the very FIRST one you should have noticed that I mocked Tool, so no I don't like them either. And yes I would rather listen to some "shitty metal band" blow out my eardrums with Marshall amps stacked to the sky then take in 17 hrs of noodling and extended keyboard solos from Trey and the boys while dropping acid in 99 degree heat amongst a crowd of people who smell bad.


"balleyterrey" re: Nirvana

"but they did kill shitti poser white boy bands like Guns N' Roses so hats off to them"


Considering this guy comments on everything I write with positive feedback (but apparently missed some of my Non-BTSB posts..notably: http://getoffmylawnkid.blogspot.com/2010/11/friday-afternoon-rad-jam_19.html)

I will give him the kiddy gloves treatment. However, you can't really insult GNR on my blog and remain free from ridicule. I mean...if we lived in a perfect world and I were a music mogul, every rock band today would follow the blueprint of Guns N' Roses. Guns N' Roses is one of those bands that no matter what your taste in rock music...nobody really questions as being completely fucking Rad. I have no idea what a "shitty poser white boy band" is but if that means "Totally badass Bro Rock about sex, drugs, partying, and evading the cops." then that is a totally appropriate label. I don't know that Nirvana "killed them off" considering their blockbuster 2nd album "Use Your Illusion" was still going strong when "Nevermind" came out. I think Axl being a d-bag and excessive substance abuse "killed them off." Which is at least a cooler way for a band to break up than via their sad lead singer shooting himself. Anyways I digress. If you don't think "Appetite for Destruction" is the Raddest album ever made you need to take a second listen ASAP or get your ears checked. End of story.


Well so ends the Volume 2 Hater Mailbag. Once again I thoroughly enjoyed responding to the gallons of Haterade sent my way. Once again if you completely despise me and everything I stand for...don't read my blog. If you disagree with one or two things I say, try to give me the benefit of the doubt in the spirit of good fun, and I assure you, I will probably get back to ranting about bands you hate soon enough. If you support my every statement and are a loyal fan of ALL of my work: You, like me have impeccable taste in music, incontrovertible opinions, and are amongst the remaining top 2% of the population that is still trying to maintain a set of beliefs according to the book of Rad. Until next time, haters: keep hating, Followers: keep following. Being a sad, lonely, pissed motherfucker with A.D.D. who makes no sense, and doesn't show an ounce of maturity or intellect I'll keep relishing all the publicity I can get.

2 comments:

  1. Love hater mailbag!

    "I don't think a bipolar nutjob should be making fun of my A.D.D. symptoms. Also thanks for saying I'm "free to have my opinions" but then telling me I should keep them to myself Stalin." FTW?!

    Oh and I like WILCO.

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