College is a wonderful time. I’m sorry if you attended Brigham Young University, but if you didn’t you probably had a blurry four year experience filled with keg stands, bong hits, and random drunken hookups that went by too fast. I know Its depressing to think your life peaked between the ages of 18-22, but that will end up being the most fun four year span of your entire lifetime.
With all that being said, more and more kids love to brag about how much wilder their college experience was in comparison to yours. This is especially true of kids that are just out of college. If you just graduated college in the last year or so, you never grow tired of talking about what crazy party animals you and your friends were. Your college was ranked Number 1 in Playboy/Maxim/Princeton Review’s list of the “Wildest Party Schools in America” for three years running. Your school had the wildest tailgate. Your school led the nation in “drunk in public” arrests. I can go on and on…
Nothing is worse than when two Bros get into it over whose college kicked more ass. Actual Convo:
BRO number 1 (BIG STATE U Alum): “Dude I gotta get to A-Ville tonight, cus you know we’re gonna need to start tailgating for the game tomorrow at 9am obviously.”
BRO number 2 (BIG TECH U Alum): “Ha…9…?? At Tech U we had a saying that if you weren’t drinking by 7am we didn’t need you in the crowd for the game!”
BRO number 1: “Well I mean we’ll prob wake up at 7 and hit up Bloody Marys before we head over to the stadium.”
BRO number 2: “I mean if it was an 11am game at Tech U we would usually just stay up all night and just skip the whole sleep thing Friday night and keep drinking for like 14 straight hours till the game.”
Ok Bros. We get it. Try to restrain yourselves from actually pulling your Wangs out to commence a pissing contest. Good for you. You were motivated enough to wake up at 8am on Saturday, to start drinking, before going to watch a game with national title implications in your huge stadium. Awesome. You’re way more hardcore than the kids from Little State U that drank at 8am because they wanted to cop a buzz for Tuesday’s History of Rock and Roll class.
There are also certain things that are universally common to every College Kid’s experience. Yet for some reason these are the very things that every person thinks was completely UNIQUE to their college experience.
BRO 1: “So how bout we kick this up a notch and get a round of SoCo and Limes…?”
ZETA 1: “OMG that was like sooo our shot at State U!! So many nights I wish I could remember thanks to SoCo Junior Year!!”
ZETA 2: “OMG DO YOU HEAR THAT…??”
ZETA 1: oh..my...god..This was TOTALLY the song they always played at our favorite bar at State U, we would always take SoCo shots when it came on!!
ZETAS/Bro (In drunken Unison): “SHE TOOOK THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN GOING AAAAANNNYYYYWHEERE!!”
Yes it is actually a proven fact that Southern Comfort shots was only served at your college. And Journey is not a very common choice for a bar soundtrack. Also, “Take me home tonight”…your college bar was the first to think to themselves “Hmm…We should play this at last call…when like…people are trying to find someone to you know…TAKE THEM HOME TONIGHT!”
Other things that were not UNIQUE to your hardcore college experience
• Making mixed drinks for your last Thurs afternoon class
• Morning “GRAVS”
• Dave Matthews Band Concerts
• “Edward 40 hands”
• Drinking box wine from the bag
• Drinking White Russians while watching “The Big Lebowski”
• Referencing “Old School”
• Beer Olympics
• Drunken Kickball
• Jagermeister
So there you have it. Sorry to burst your bubble kids, but you had the same college experience as every other kid who attended an institution of higher learning in America and enjoyed partying. With all that being said…if you’re an attractive drunk girl at the bar when “Don’t Stop Believing” comes on, I will prob not be ABOVE catering to your request for a SoCo and Lime shot…
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