Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Bands That Suck Balls: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE


I was having some difficulty coming to a decision on who would be this week's entry for Bands That Suck Balls. Then inspiration struck me when I went to Super Cuts to get my head buzzed. In waiting in line for my haircut I perused the reading options in the magazine pile and came across the December issue of "Spin Magazine" pictured left. Spin Magazine is basically Rolling Stone for hipsters. Or at least hipsters that are not quite hip enough to read "Pitchfork" or "Paste." Long story short their magazine blows, and any band they would pick to grace their cover is undoubtedtly awful. Therefore, It's only logical that this week's Band That Sucks Balls be: MY CHEMICAL ROMANCE.

God, My Chemical Romance are such a collection of dipshits. First of all they follow the standard modern band trend of naming their band some stupid random combination of words that emphasizes "Irony." How exactly does a group of assclowns decide to name their band "My Chemical Romance"..? I thought to myself "hmm, well maybe they're referencing a Chemical Romance: i.e. a relationship built on lots of crazy substance abuse." Nope. Obviously a craptastic band like this wouldn't hint at any cool behavior in their name. No, clearly MCR came up with their name via noticing the interesting title of a book while one of their members was working in a library (Totally Un-Rad activity). If you think their band's name is lame, wait till you see the titles of their albums. They just released a new CD this week entitled "Danger Days: The True Lives of The Fabulous Killjoys." WHAT? I'm pretty sure there has never been a badass rock album with the word "Fabulous" in its title. Their debut album was entitled "I Brought You My Bullets, You Brought Me our Love." Jesus Christ. Remember when awesome bands just named their first four albums "I" through "IV"..? That was cool.

Clearly a band that spends so much time coming up with clever ironic names for their records, must have no time to actually record cool music. My Chemical Romance is proof of this because their music is fucking horrible. Lets name off some genres/themes that absolutely suck monkey balls.

"Alternative": Noise
"Power Punk": Sucks Balls
"Emo": Pussy bullshit
"Goth": code for "I am a fucking loser whose entire wardrobe is from Hot Topic"

Well if you combine all these elements in one giant crockpot of shit and stir, you get My Chemical Romance. If you were to label these dickheads, you would say that they are an Alternative Power Punk Emo Goth band . Which is a longwinded way of saying My Chemical Romance plays "rock" that makes me want to punt puppies off a skyscraper. Generally Emo/Goth kids play pussy music with a more quiet sound. They are too busy keeping their combover out of their eye, and being sad that they didn't get a new Honda Accord for their birthday to turn up their amps. My Chemical Romance however, fancy themselves as a punk band so they play loud, thrashing pansy music as opposed to brooding acoustic pansy music. Music for their depressed fanbase to mosh to. A fanbase that all look like the offspring of a hipster mating with Edward Scissorhands.

My Chemical Romance is also another one of those bands that likes to make "concept" albums and "Rock Operas." Generally these albums are long drawn out pieces of shit. See "The Wall" and anything made by Green Day this millenium. Hell, I'm a pretty huge fan of The Who and I'm not crazy about "Quadrophenia" and "Tommy" in their entirety. Still, there is possibly nothing worse in the world than the "concept" of an Emo-Goth-Punk rock opera. Do you want to know what MCR's last hit album "The Black Parade" was about...? A FUCKING KID DYING OF CANCER. Are you kidding me?? Who the hell wants to listen to that? I mean nothing is more in the spirit of Rock and Roll than an album about a leukemia patient. Christ. Can you just shoot me in the face and save me the trouble of hanging myself to this CD? Whatever happened to the "concept" of a rock album being just a documentary of your last Rad world tour? Somebody pull the cord on these assholes before they decide to record an entire rock opera about a family perishing in a car wreck.

Well there are a lot of whiney, brooding pussies amongst today's youth so My Chemical Romance's target audience should remain intact for a while. They also have the benefit of critical acclaim from douchbag media outlets like Spin Magazine who love bands that don't follow the standard badass rock and roll format. So we are probably in store for more shitty concept albums with 10 word titles. Albums that gobble nuts like you gobble up stuffing on Thanksgiving. Well don't expect me to support this bullshit. My Chemical Romance and their army of goth punks can all go jump off a bridge. That's a concept I could really get behind.

38 comments:

  1. You basically have the worst opinions ever.

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    1. Oh you must be one of those emo lil bitches (aka clueless 12 year olds who just discovered boring, shitty alternative music). Fuck off and shove that MCR cd up your ass, pussy.

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  2. You spend the entire time whining about what they title their music, not about the actual music they make. You can't seem to critique this band with respect or intellect. You never show an ounce of maturity or experience in music, and your article was a complete bore. You fail.

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  3. can you do a piece on 'generic white kid bands and how they suck'

    please

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  4. 'My Chemical Romance' actually is a reference to 'Ecstasy: Three Tales Of Chemical Romance', by Irvine Welsh. That's the guy who wrote fucking 'Trainspotting'. It's not a random combination of words. Do some research before writing all that shit.
    Besides that, do you think that "a relationship built on lots of crazy substance abuse" is a "cool behavior"? You must be a fucking pothead.
    That would explain a lot, actually.

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  5. if your going to "critique" them actually do that not insult things that have nothing to do with the actual music they play, jackass.

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  6. Everyone has their own opinions, so I can't get mad at you for having yours.
    I see a problem in your need to tell the whole world about them *without any sound support*.
    Not once do you comment on the music aspect of their albums, just the concept, genre, and titles.
    How are you supposed to judge somthing from its title?
    I dont like 90% of what pop music puts out, but then again, I dont have an uninformed hate blog about it.
    This doesnt make my opinions better, or even more right. It makes me, a teenage girl, who if you saw on the street you would no doubt dislike, a general better person than you.

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  7. There just isn't any mature way to bash MCR... people should quit trying... it just never comes out sounding intelligent. They make great music and I personally think their theme of concept albums tell really interesting stories. Sure, the fanbase can get annoying (which is why I choose not to associate with poser fans &/or fans who didn't like them since Three Cheers for sweet Revenge)

    the Black Parade was depressing - but that does not make it bad music... it wasn't my favorite album by them, but I still like it a lot because you can obviously tell the difference between music with emotions rather than other genres who speak of nothing in particular.

    as the others have pointed out, you didn't do a good job of stating why you don't like the music itself... you just judged off of titles and stereotypes. So, you obviously failed at this post.

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    1. All their songs are derivative, simplistic pop songs in the guise of "punk" so people can enjoy clichéd pop melodies and still act superior to those who like boy bands and stuff. Honestly, fans of pop music are better because they (at least most of them) don't claim their music is somehow complex or intelligent or act like they're fans of actual musicians. Also, it's easy to write about something as clichéd and ostentatiously tragic as a kid with cancer, not that it isn't a horrible disease and a sad topic, but it's been done so many times and MCR didn't add any new angle on it. Let's see them try to write an intellectually challenging concept album like "V: The New Mythology Suite" by Symphony X. It has an intelligent and powerful story that manages to invoke the mysticism of ancient Egyptian mythology and culture without being derivative, as well as wonderfully written music that actually parallels the lyrical content (yes, kids, music can actually convey emotion) rather than a random series of jaunty power chords while someone whines gleefully about the most depressing subject imaginable. I agree that this guy didn't do a good job of addressing exactly why MCR sucks, but he was still right.

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  8. Sir... you are officially my hero. Im a MCR fan and you're still my hero.

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  9. First off, the names of their albums and songs are meant to be humorous, obviously. Lemme guess, you're an Amon Amarth type of guy? Hm? Well, MCR fans, HOllywood Undead fans, a LOT of fans of bands singing about shitty stuff, can relate to said shitty stuff. Fucking listen to the lyrics before you go on a bitch fest, kay?

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  10. MCR does suck ass. You bunch of Emo fags. There is really nothing original about them. Nothing. Even their old albums sound weak.

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  11. yeh, i have to agree with you that they have the lamest name ever but their music are fine though

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  12. I just want to say, that this is the most biased, illiterate fucking piece of trash article I have ever read. You obviously have some form of misguided hatred toward them, judging them by theyre titles of theyre albums? You wouldnt know what art is if it hit you in your stupid white trash fucking face. and goth army? Get real, but its okay, because gou clearly show your stupidity in the terrible writing and constant stereotyping, thanks for humoring me. Get off my lawn fuckface

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  13. This is one of the worst articles I have ever read. Clearly you haven't listened to any of their music because you tend to focus on the names of songs and albums. And your little remark about the black parade and the kid dying of cancer. That's not what the song is about. It's actually a young man and the journey of death. You don't see me going around commenting on music I don't like. So before you go saying things about a brilliant band. Think things through.

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  14. You, sir, are a douchebag. Do you KNOW what they stand for? Being yourself, expressing yourself, never taking anyone's shit, and standing your ground. Oh, yeah, such emo shit when their first song is about 9/11, and recovering from that. Can you tell me anything about this band, past the fact that they have been grouped as "emo", "Pop/punk", "Alternative", and "goth"? No? Let me tell you this: the lead singer—Gerard Way, yes, learn the names of those you dare to insult!—recovered from being stoned and drunk for 3 solid years to become a father and husband. The bassist, Mikey Way, went from being that kid with the glasses that stands in the corner not saying/doing anything, to actually interviewing. He had a breakdown while recording one album, and returned to finish it, for his friends. Frank Iero, the rhythm guitarist, once proved that yes, the show must go on, when he performed while hooked to an oxygen tank. Ray Toro, the lead guitarist, is talented, and he's stuck with these guys—his brothers in arms, as I'd put it—since the beginning.
    I'm sorry, but please, before you act like a douche, actually listen to the music. Learn a bit about the band. Then, hate all you want. But expect a backlash from the MCRmy, the Killjoys, and fans all over the fuckin' world.

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    1. Thank you so much. <3 It is fans like you that make me proud to be a Killjoy.

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  15. I respect your opinion, but I have to say this: If you took the time to actually read up on them, you'd know that the name "My Chemical Romance" wasn't anything random; Mikey and Gerard were both working "Crappy jobs" at Barnes & Noble; Mikey was shown a stack of Irvine Welsh books, and, upon thumbing through them, noticed the snippet "Ecstasy: 5 Tales of Chemical Romance" (Mikey is later referenced as a great band namer; see Life on The Murder Scene). HOWEVER, as he later struggled with drug abuse and depression, Gerard discovered that THE NAME HAD GONE FROM MEANING "ANTIDEPRESSANTS", TO "DRUG ADDICTION". Your arguments are unfounded.

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  16. Thanks for sharing very important information on this blog.really i got great information here........My Chemical Romance

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  17. Amen, about ime someone had the balls to speak the truth about the winy, emo, unoriginal MCR. Their name is lame, they look like toothpicks in emo goth clothing, and their music sucks. No two ways about it, their music sucks. The only real fanbase they have are preteen girls who look past the crap music and adult fans who are old enough to know better. Seroiusly, how can girls think they are attractive? Its like Edward Scissorhands raped the Joker. It's a shame modern music has the face of suck a two bit garage band. It ,akes me sad that the younger crowd has that crap to listen to instead of the good old days of true Rock and Roll and REAL punk rock.

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  18. He does comment on the music. He states that they are obviously too busy coming up with stupid titles to make an actual good song. He also says that it only appeals to depressed people and mentions the bland, unoriginal and repetitive songs they release. It is just opinion and I, personally agree with it. It's a blog, and you can't make him change what he thinks.

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  19. Fuck you and your opinions old man... I know I'm supposed to be like: Oh yeah people have their own opinions but my chemical romance have so much beyond them you fucking ass.
    They've made a difference to many people and saved life.
    And for you fucking stupid ass tiny brain, their band name is from a book, so what?! i wager you couldn't come up with a better name and your voice sucks..
    Fuck you.
    CORRECTIONS
    I brought you my bullets, You brought me your love.
    MCR Isn't Emo fuckterd.
    NOBODY would want to save you from killing yourself cos you don't deserve to live on this planet...
    Do you even know why MCR sing??
    They said it was an idea not a band you douchebag!
    Next time, You should keep your opinions off the internet dude... really.

    Don't be surprised if you wake up tomorrow morning, and someone is standing above you with a fucking knife ready to stab your eyeballs...
    Fucking pissed me off.
    Signing off... Mofo.

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  20. Bud Are You Fuckin Slow M8? My Chemical Romance Saves Lives, So Drop The Shitshow And Go Try To Beat Your Erectile Dis-function You old Fuck!

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  21. I agree with most of the people here in the comment section. MCR saved my life when they stopped me from committing suicide. Their overall message was not to be "whiny" or "depressed", but it was too save lives and don't let anyone else change you no matter what ever happened. They are some of the nicest, dearest humans ever to walk the face of the earth. Rather than other modern shit, MCR cares about their fans and not just the money they are making. Also, their third studio album, "The Black Parade", was not about a person with cancer. It is about moving on and it taught us it was okay to feel sad, it was okay to feel mad, and it was okay to hurt. You should really look more into bands before you diss them.
    Honestly, these albums molded me into the human being that I am today. I am not depressed, MCR helped me with my depression. I am not suicidal, MCR helped me this suicidal thoughts. Without these albums in my life I would not be nearly as happy as I am today.
    Do you realize how many people you just hurt? Do you realize how many people you caused to sink lower than they have ever been? let's say If a kid picks up an MCR cd for the first time and likes it, then they go home and do all sorts of research about it, and find articles online about how "unoriginal" or "crappy" they are, written by butterfucks like yourself.
    Honestly, I would continue with this, but I don't think Jesus would approve of what I would type. :p
    I am going to leave you with this:
    If you had a child (i'm assuming you don't because you probably have a neckbeard and have grease all over yourself and no one wants to fuck you) And If your child starts listening to MCR and loved them and they wanted to be just like them when they grow up, Would you crush your child's dreams? Or would you be a mature person and let him/her explore in their own free will?

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  23. I am actually laughing so hard rn xD

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  24. MCR are indeed fucking terrible and all their fans are 10-15 year old lil girls who don't know anything about "emo"/"punk rock". I'm glad that shitty band broke up 4 years ago. Hahahaha!!

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  25. MCR ARE NOT A FUCKING EMO BAND PERIOD!

    MCR ARE JUST ANOTHER IRRELEVANT SHITTY POP ROCK 'FAD' BAND THAT'LL SOON BE FORGOTTEN ABOUT AND NO ONE WILL EVER GIVE A FUCK ABOUT IN THE NEXT 30-50 YEARS!

    FUCK MCR.. THEY SUCK ASS!!!

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  26. REAL EMO MUSIC = SUNNY DAY REAL ESTATE, RITES OF SPRING, MINERAL, AT THE DRIVE IN, SAETIA AND JOSHUA FIT FOR BATTLE

    MCR ARE NOT FUCKING EMO AND NEVER WILL BE, DUMBASSES!!!!!

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