Thursday, November 11, 2010

Bands That Suck Balls: PINK FLOYD


Today is Veterans Day, where we honor our country's service men and women. So feel free to do your duty as an American and put up your generic once-a-year Facebook status about supporting those who make sacrifices for our freedom, or praying for those serving overseas. Anyways, I wanted to do a Band That Sucks Balls this week that somehow tied into Veteran's day. Couldn't really put the two together though. After all if you are engaged in combat, you are most likely listening to totally Rad jams to get fired up for warfare. So I will just say that this next band is probably not on the Ipods of too many of our nation's soldiers. Unless they are currently tripping on acid to gain greater enjoyment out of their night vision goggles. This Weeks's Band That Sucks Balls: PINK FLOYD.

Look everybody will tell you they appreciate the genius of Pink Floyd. You probably went through a "Big Pink Floyd Phase" at some point in your life. Yeah this "phase" is known as Sophomore year of college when you ate mushrooms once a week. If you are past the age of say 22 you should no longer have an appreciation for Pink Floyd, because Pink Floyd totally sucks balls. Their music serves no purpose other than to serve as the soundtrack to your group tripping experience in a dark dorm room. If you're on psychadelic drugs you obviously aren't gonna wanna listen to say heavy metal or anything particularly rocking. After all you are mentally unstable and might react by taking off all your clothes and running across the quad screaming bloody murder. You also don't wanna listen to anything laid back with complex lyrics like say some Bob Dylan, because words don't actually make any sense to you in your current state. So you go with Pink Floyd as completely neutral background music that will not upset the balance of your night of mind expansion. I know all this of course from talking to people who actually liked doing drugs in college, unlike myself.

Have you ever listened to Pink Floyd in a completely sober mind state? Like say cruising around in your car on a Friday afternoon jamming out to the classic rock station? Their music is shit. I hate when I'm listening to a solid block of classic rock jams on the FM radio, and I hear that "CHA-CHING!" cash register noise. Goddamit, I was just in a solid groove after some Tom Petty and Skynyrd and then Pink Floyd's "Money" comes on. I hate that fucking song along with pretty much every Pink Floyd single that comes on the radio. Yeah the idea of rebelling against the establishment and protesting your educational experience is kinda cool. I don't need to randomly hear a bunch of creepy British kids singing a hook about it on repeat. "Wish You Were Here" is one of the weirdest sounding love songs ever written. Pretty much the only tolerable Pink Floyd single is "Comfortably Numb." This song however, is infinitely better when sang by Van Morrison rather than by the members of Pink Floyd, so they lose points for that.

Of course people will argue that Pink Floyd is not a band that should not be judged by their individual singles. "You gotta get like the whole album experience maaaaan." Yeah well I've listened to both Pink Floyd masterpieces "The Wall" and "Dark Side of the Moon" all the way through and they are both complete excrement. First of all there are very few rock albums that I am willing to listen to all the way through, and generally they all serve some sort of purpose that involves fun. You can leave the album on for an entire party, or a bbq, or a road trip, or a drunk drive home. If you are listening to a Pink Floyd album, you are only enjoying yourself if you are tripping in a dark room watching a light show. You can't throw on Dark Side of the Moon at a 4th of July BBQ and enjoy yourself. Pink Floyd's songs are all extended dark, gloomy jams that continuosly "build" without ever reaching much of a climax. Roger Waters whispers song lyrics in a creepy voice that sounds like the boogeyman lurking in your closet. Pink Floyd is basically the soundtrack to you looking up at the sky and realizing the apocalypse is coming as the dark clouds gather and lightning flashes. So just what you need to get the party hopping.

Anyways, Pink Floyd were one of the first bands to..I don't know..lock themselves in a studio with a year's supply of LSD and experiment with weird production effects. So they will always be considered "revolutionary" in some manner. After all, if you are the first band to do anything weird you are always looked at as an "innovator" even if your fresh, revolutionary sound is dog shit. Lets just admit however, that nobody is ever in the mood to randomly rock out to a Pink Floyd song. Nobody has the patience to sit and listen to an entire boring and gloomy Pink Floyd concept album. If you do actually "enjoy" Pink Floyd for extended periods of time, it's time for you to stop spending your Tuesday night dropping acid in your mom's basement while staring at a lava lamp and get a fucking job already.

22 comments:

  1. I have ADHD, I am 15 (sober since birth), and I listen to whole Floyd albums all the time, not to mention some prog rock songs that exceed 20 mins long. If you don't like long, complex songs that actually require conscious attention, you'll always have your caveman music to fall back on. until then, keep bashing Pink Floyd.

    A few corrections:

    I do not use drugs to enjoy Pink Floyd, and neither do most Floyd fans.
    You do not need to be in college to enjoy GOOD music.
    One could argue that a lot of Pink Floyd lyrics are more complex than Bob Dylan's.
    Pink Floyd is NOT neutral background music, it can only seem as such because it requires actual attention to enjoy.

    Classic rock stations seem to have a song library smaller than my iTunes, when they do play different music, I, for one, would appreciate it for what it's worth.
    Do you hate the song "Money" because it's in an unconventional time-signature?
    Wish you Were Here is not a love song (which goes to show you don't pay Floyd enough attention) it's about Syd Barret.

    Basing your opinion of Pink Floyd on only The Wall and DSOTM is pretty narrow, they're both harder to listen to than some of their other stuff.
    Pink Floyd is not "party" music, party music is nice and simple so everyone can understand it whilst partaking in the fun, Pink Floyd is an experience that requires attention.
    Pink Floyd never used LSD as a source of inspiration while they were recording their music.

    Don't get me wrong, I love classic rock as well, or at lest, until I grew my curly hairs. It's just something about my brain that requires me to listen to music that's, at least a little above childish.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
  2. Hello.

    I read and liked this blog until you decided to hate on Pink Floyd, likely because you have attention deficit disorder and can't handle anything with more than two chords with a solo sandviched between them.

    You are free to have your opinions, but please do the world a favor and keep them to yourself. They are of absolutely no value to anybody else.

    Kisses.

    ReplyDelete
  3. agree with you

    pink floyd noodled like noone noodled before
    without ever getting to any point

    ReplyDelete
  4. Syd Barret Pink Floyd= Good. Post syd barrett- garbage. and unlike the cunt above me I will not STOP reading your blog because you don't like a band that I like.

    ReplyDelete
  5. I agree. Worst thing about Floyd? Their ludicrous "fans". Listen up guys, liking this band doesn't make you "better" than anyone, you're still a damn stoner. Also your world shouldn't collapse when someone dislikes your band, but thanks for throwing an online tantrum. Excuse me for not caring enough about your butthurt music elitist feelings.

    Steve

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love this reply to the article. These are my experiences to a tee with Pink Floyd fans whenever I have the "nerve" to say I can't stand the band. You'll hear the stupid insult as well as the you have "no taste" in music comment. They're all exactly the same.

      Delete
  6. I don't agree with the article as Pink Floyd is probably one of my favorite bands (it's low on the list, mind you), but I like your writing style. You definitely have one of my new favorite blogs.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I laughed so hard when you said that Wish you Were Here was a love song, and that you compared Bob Dylans "complex" lyrics to Roger Waters. I think Pink Floyd is for people with an IQ of 50 or over, since you and your friends in the comment section here shouldn't really be allowed to listen.

    ReplyDelete
  8. So the only point you've really made about why Pink Floyd sucks is that they're LSD music. I'd say that's a pretty retarded argument. Hendrix was psychedelic too, and so were many Beatles songs. Not to mention that "The Wall" isn't even psychedelic with the exception of Comfortably Numb which you ironically cited as the only tolerable single. Wish You Were Here is neither a love song nor is it "weird sounding" as far as I'm concerned, so 0 for 2 on that one.

    Just because musical experience to you should be nothing more than jamming out at a party that doesn't mean a band sucks for writing a concept album.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Hahahaha! This is so hilarious yet so true. I love Pink Floyd but this just made my day. You should do more classic rock. You should do Led Zeppelin, even though I fucking love them.

    ReplyDelete
  10. Glad I'm not the only one who hates these guys. Although I never had that phase where I liked em. But my sister did; she'd play Dark Side of the Moon and The Wall constantly on her stereo while we were growing up. I just wanted to throw something at her stereo to get the awful tripe coming from it to stop.
    These guys sucked ass when they came about 40 years ago and they suck ass now.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I actually vomit when I hear "Comfortably Numb." True story.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Pink Floyd is music, to blow your brains out to. Very depressing music.

    ReplyDelete
  13. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Pink Floyd isn't depressing because of the subject matter, many other more proficient musicians express somber lyrics and atmosphere in a convincing way than Pink Floyd. Floyd is depressing because its downright corny. The Wall is the definition of a curious teenager who is looking for experimental narrative in the wrong places and is awarded with mediocrity approved of by parents. None of the instrumentation in Floyd gives an impression of synchronicity let alone rhythm that is enjoyable. Its too disjointed and out of place and cheesy. The vocals very rarely reach anything resemble harmony or resonance and it all sounds as if their trying too hard to convey a psychedelic experience. This experience is generic and no better than background music composed for watered down TV channels like VH1. Syd Barrett was really the only member of the band that had any creativity and when he lost his mind the rest tried very hard to replicate a filtered version of Barrett's approach. But with this said even Syd Barrett was untalented, merely a hack who came up with (once again) psychedelic variations of already existing psychedelic rock bands. Floyd is a dime a dozen and at the time of their popularity you could find anyone that sounded identical and in almost every case the idiosyncrasies of those other musicians were more prevelant than Floyd, because Floyd didn't allow their music to come naturally. They smothered it with careful planning, the anti natural progression of art is the anti mistakes make perfect philosophy. Every time I hear Pink Floyd I immediately think of a 47 year old guy in a Hawaiian shirt with a pony tail and a corvett drinking wine. He's wealthy, has two kids, uncultured and never bothered to explore anything other than his freshman year of high school and what constituted as relevant during that time. He is the douche that is forever stuck in the mediocrity of societies cliches and conceptions of what should be considered classic. As if classic is even a term to acknowledge, he's also the first in line to see the next Rock & Roll Hall of Fame inductees, as if that matters in any sense. That is Pink Floyd, total garbage and the definition of misperception.

    ReplyDelete
  15. I never liked Pink Floyd either,their ''music'' is totally tuneless with no beautiful melodies and harmonies at all.Which The Beatles thankfully had in spades.

    But even though Pink Floyd doesn't sound good,they are not totally dreadful like Led Zeppelin who not only have no beautiful melodies and harmonies at all,but instead just banging around awful noise and a awful screaming,screeching whaling singer,Robert Plant! I have found many people who hate Led Zeppelin even on heavy metal music forums.It's even more mind boggling how people can find Led Zeppelin remotely good.



    The Boston Globe has an online article from March 2009,called I Confess I Don’t Like… written by all of their music critics and Luke O’Neil wrote that when people talk of classic bands they don’t like they’re really speaking in coded language.He said for example “I don’t like The Beatles.” is the same as saying,”I’m a liar” he said but when I say I don’t like Led Zeppelin there’s no subtext.He then says a lot of it has to do with Robert Plant’s fiendish helium-powered caterwauling. He says he tends to prefer bands with vocalists not police sirens in tight pants.He also said the lyrics which run the gamut unimaginative doggerel to too-imaginative fantasy goofs don’t help.



    He then says sure they inspired a lot of great bands,but should we not then hold them accountable for the thousands of downright awful imitators they’ve inspired? Remember that whole hair metal thing in the 80’s? He says who do you think put the bustle in those dudes hedgerow? And grunge? He says that was basically goateed Led Zeppelin on Smack. http://www.boston.com/ae/music/gallery/we_should?pg=10



    Rock music critic John Mendelson never liked Led Zeppelin either.



    Van Halen in the late 70's early-mid 80's with David Lee Roth sounded a million times better! So do the Who,The Rolling Stones,The Eagles,etc and The Beatles are a zillion times better.

    ReplyDelete
  16. I like Comfortably Numb and Another Brick In The Wall, but that's it

    ReplyDelete
  17. I like Comfortably Numb and Another Brick In The Wall, but that's it

    ReplyDelete
  18. Haha, Pink Floyd is my favorite band but I gotta give you props for the writing. You do make a lot of great points, I am still mesmerized by their lyrics, sound, and innovation though. I agree about the song "Money" one of my least favorite PF songs. I will say though if you are one to experiment on hallucinogens there is no band in the universe comparitive to PF. Love me some Tom Petty and LZ as well.

    -written from my mothers basement

    ReplyDelete
  19. I'm gonna say it and I don't care if I get flamed at for saying it.

    Pink Floyd are boring, pretentious and overrated. They're nothing special, relevant and good to begin with. All their music puts me to sleep.

    I don't like Pink Floyd.

    ReplyDelete