Bands That Suck Balls: GREEN DAY

I think it's a pretty obvious point that money and a band's popularity can have a huge impact on a band's musical direction. Generally this concept relates to the idea that bands have to sell out a little bit to make it to the big time. Yeah your music is cool but you're gonna have clean up your look and write a catchy ballad so that girls will buy your records. Sometimes however, a band makes it to the big time on the merit of their music. A couple of fun loving guys write catchy rock songs people can relate to, and sell a billion records in the process. Often however, these fun loving guys upon reaching the mainstream, realize that they now have a public forum to spew their opinion on everyone and everything. They get so far up their own asses, that they believe the platinum album sales plaque in their home gives them the right to have a political agenda and tell you what's wrong with America. Worse yet...they decide to WRITE SONGS about their warped political views. No band is a more prime example of this phenomenon than This Week's Band That Suck Balls: GREEN DAY.

Look I owned "Dookie" when I was a kid. That CD kicked ass and you're lying if you claim you didn't like it. Every kid had this record. To quote Wayne's World: "If you lived in the suburbs you were issued it. It came in the mail with samples of Tide." Green Day burst onto the scene in the mid 90's with "Dookie" because all of the songs were just infectious catchy 3 minute punk rock jams that kids couldn't help but love. All of the songs on "Dookie" were basically about the trials and tribulations of the teenage loser. You smoked pot all day, wished your parents would stop nagging you about getting a job, and just wanted to "Live the Dream." You related to "Dookie." You and your first girlfriend used to rock out to Green Day before heading to the mall to buy new Airwalks together.

Then Green Day kinda dropped off the map for a little while. They continued to have a following and sell a good amount of records, but didn't come out with anything that came close to approaching the success of "Dookie." Then I remember Green Day really appearing on my radar again at the end of the millenium when they released that fucking "Time of Your Life" song that was the theme song to EVERYONE'S graduation. "Awww!! High School's over!! :( I hope you had the time of your life. Lets all hold hands and sing along to this shitty Green Day acoustic ballad." Jesus Christ I hate this song. For that matter I hate every high school "senior song." (Yeah Eve 6 you and your shitbag song "Here's to the Night" can also go die a slow and painful death somewhere). What is sad about leaving high school? You're now going to college which is actually gonna be the "Time of Your Life." So how bout we stop lamenting the end of 12th grade, while listening to Green Day and celebrate not having to see any of these assholes again.

Anyways, other than that shitty "Senior Song" Green Day didn't release too much annoying music until Post-9/11. At this point they decided that they would join the parade of rock stars and movie stars that were publically voicing their disapproval of the Bush administration. (Yeah great you think George W. Bush is a shitty president. Thanks, how original so does everybody.) Except Green Day decided that they would write an entire "concept rock opera" about the Bush Administration and what's wrong with America entitled "American Idiot." This album blew up on the charts and was obviously critically acclaimed across the media spectrum. I mean why wouldn't it be? Music and media critics are all braindead liberals that blindly blow anybody that criticizes the Republican Party. You could not turn on the radio without hearing a shitty Green Day single on the radio. The first single was of course "DON'T WANNA BE AN AMEEEERICAN IDIOT!!" This at least kinda sounded like a Green Day punk song, but frankly if you don't want to be an American idiot you can just get the fuck out of my country and move to Finland Green Day.

Then Green Day started releasing a series of emotional 6 minute ballads about September ending and walking alone on Boulevards of Broken Dreams. These songs were awful. Why are you walking on a Boulevard of broken dreams Green Day? It seems to me you are living your dream of being a group of self righteous rock star assholes. I'd rather not wake you up "Wheeeen September Ends" I'd much rather you wake me up when this fucking nightmare of a song is over. I actually went to a Green Day concert a couple of years ago. I figured "hey they gotta play a bunch of stuff from Dookie at least since those are their biggest hits, this should be tolerable." Yeah they played like 3 songs from "Dookie." The rest of the setlist was spent with the band jamming out their "Rock-Opera" hits with various clips of political propaganda on a big screen behind them. We left early, before getting the opportunity to hold hands and cry to the inevevitable show closer "Time of your Life."

Basically Green Day, you should just go back to writing catchy 3 minute rock anthems. That's what you're good at. You have fucking dyed hair, I don't need to listen to you rant on what direction our nation is headed in. You made it big singing about lying on your mom's couch all day stoned and masterbating. Now you write pompous rock opera concept albums. Well your rock operas fucking blow. I hope you've had the time of your life and proceed to stop writing shitty music ASAP.