Monday, August 23, 2010

It's Not Easy Being Green...So Fuck it.

Today I was taking my dog out and got in the elevator with a couple of middle aged yuppies. I couldn't help but notice that one of the men sporting Birkenstocks was there with his son and was making the kid lug four grocery bags filled with cans and bottles. He was lugging four or five grocery bags of similar trash himself. Usually I ignore the elevator small talk of my other apartment residents if they're not addressing me but I couldn't help but listen in on this exchange.

Yuppie #1:
You know it's really starting to piss me off that Randall Lofts REFUSES to install a recycling program here. I've complained to management several times about this issue.

Yuppie #2:
I KNOW! It's ridiculous! I'm really starting to get irritated at the fact that I have to spend so much money on gas, driving to a recycling center EVERY week!!

Yuppie #1:
You know they're making the small effort to Go Green everywhere else, it's about time these guys got their frigging act together.

(The two douchebags then exit elevator. I assume they head to their respective hybrid vehicles)

God. I seriously don't know which one of these losers to designate as the bigger tool. Recycling is a good idea in theory and if there are recycling bins in your apartment complex/neighborhood then fine, go ahead and recycle your trash. If you actually spend money on gas to drive out of your way, just to show how much you care about the environment you are a fucking clown. As for the other jackoff, do you seriously need to file complaints with management over putting in recycling bins?? Our apartment building is an old decrepit piece of shit. The garbage disposals don't work. We have bugs. The fucking hinges are falling off the doors. I think management has more pressing issues to deal with than your gripe about recycling bins. No wonder the front desk cringes everytime I say I need to fill out a maintenance request.

I seriously do not understand the whole "Going Green" phenomenon. Seriously who gives a shit? Not me, that's for sure. I don't think anybody really "cares about the environment" they just like telling people how environmentally conscious they are so they can escape judgment. Yeah, it's actually gotten to the point now where if your office/apartment etc. hasn't "Gone Green" they are looked down upon like some sort of terrorist organization. Worse yet, if you occupy a "Green-Friendly" environment and don't make the fullest effort to participate you are outcast like some sort of pedophile.

At my old job our office went "Green." This was fucking awful. First they got rid of the normal cups in the pantry and replaced them with smaller cups made from some bullshit environmentally-friendly material that corroded if you left soda/coffee in it for more than 15 minutes. If somebody caught me throwing one of these flimsy cups into the trash instead of the designated recycling area, I was immediately judged or scolded. The worst part is now everybody had to read these fucking mass e-mails sent to the ENTIRE office about how we needed to do a better job "Going Green." Seriously I have more interest in reading the mass e-mail about some secretary's 4th baby, than I do in reading about recycling on my floor.

I would love somebody to explain to me what the IMMEDIATE effects of NOT "Going Green" would be. What happens if we don't all recycle? And we don't make cups and plates from environmentally friendly materials? And we don't eat organic produce? Is the fucking sun gonna fall out of the sky? Will trees suddenly start falling over and crushing our houses and cars in the driveway?? If we don't all switch to hybrid cars will the smog in the air get so bad that I die of lung cancer in the next 10 years? NO? Yeah I didn't think so. Last time I checked people before 1990 were foreign to the concept of being environmentally friendly and they all survived. So who cares? I could care less about what happens to the environment down the line. My kids and grandkids might suffer because I didn't take enough care of the environment. Hey I haven't met them yet and there is a distinct possibility they will be assholes. So fuck em'. I couldn't less about your stupid cause "Green" people. So leave me alone. I've got a lot of beer cans to clean up and NOT recycle, and a lot of errands to run while cruising in my giant air polluting SUV.

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